From Stella, your emotional wellness AI
Seven questions about your marriage, answered in your own words. No verdict.
If you're afraid of your partner, a quiz isn't the place to start. In the US you can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 or text START to 88788, any time.
Question 1 of 7 A few minutes, at your own pace
Your answers come back here as a card. No score, no verdict.
This should I get a divorce quiz doesn't tell you whether your marriage is over, and it stays off the legal side. It asks the seven questions that come before the legal ones: how long divorce has been on your mind, what the two of you have tried, what keeps you there, what makes you want to leave, what you'd miss and what you're afraid of. Your answers come back as one card.
Tap a quick pick or write it your way. None of them is a legal question, and any of them can stay blank.
One question asks what keeps you in the marriage and the next asks what makes you want to leave. The card shows the two together, because people thinking about this often hold both.
Your answers come back as one card to copy or print, ending with the sentence you haven't said out loud. It decides nothing. That part stays with you.
These are invented marriages, written for this page so you can see the card before you answer anything. No real person's answers appear here.
Example written for this page
On your mind for: About a year.
Tried so far: Talking it out, usually at eleven at night when we're both done.
What keeps you in it: Our kids, and I still like him.
What makes you want to leave: Grown apart. We run a household and that's all.
You'd miss: Our family life. Saturday pancakes.
Most afraid of: The kids hurting.
Unsaid so far: “I don't feel married.”
Example written for this page
On your mind for: A few months. Since I found the messages.
Tried so far: Counseling. Four sessions so far.
What keeps you in it: Our history. Nineteen years is most of my adult life.
What makes you want to leave: Broken trust.
You'd miss: Them, which surprised me when I wrote it.
Most afraid of: Regretting it, whichever way I go.
Unsaid so far: “I don't know if I can forgive you.”
Example written for this page
On your mind for: On and off, for years.
What keeps you in it: My vows. And nothing is actually wrong.
What makes you want to leave: I feel unseen.
You'd miss: The routine. Coffee made before I'm up.
Most afraid of: Being alone at fifty-eight.
Unsaid so far: “I'm unhappy.”
You skipped what you've tried. Some answers take longer than a quiz.
Before the question of how to divorce comes the question of whether you want to, and that one is yours. These seven questions stay there: how long, what's been tried, what keeps you, what pushes you, what you'd miss, what you fear and what's unsaid. Here's why each one helps. A notebook does the job as well as the quiz.
If the thought has crossed your mind, you're in a lot of company. In a national survey of 3,000 married people aged 25 to 50, one in four said they had thought about divorce in the past six months.
The same people were asked again a year later. About three in ten of those who had been thinking about it no longer were, and some who hadn't been now were. The researchers' own summary is that these thoughts are common and that they move.
So having the thought isn't the same as having decided, in either direction. It's a reason to look at what's behind it, which is what the seven questions are for.
Source: national survey of married adults on thoughts about divorce, Family Process, 2017.
There's no required list, and trying something first isn't an exam you have to pass. These are things people commonly do while they work out what they want.
This page is not legal advice, and divorce law differs from state to state.
Anything about how a divorce would work where you live belongs with a family lawyer or your state court's self-help service, not with a quiz. A first conversation with a lawyer is a way to get information, and you can have it before you've decided anything.
What this quiz covers is the part no lawyer can answer for you: whether you want to stay married.
Source: directory of legal aid programs and legal information by state, LawHelp.org.
If you're afraid of your spouse, the questions on this page come second. Being threatened, controlled, followed or hurt by the person you're married to is not a marriage problem to work harder on, and it is not your fault.
Your safety comes before any decision about the marriage. A domestic violence support line where you live can talk through your options with you, including how to leave safely if that's what you choose, and so can someone you trust. If you're in danger right now, call your local emergency number.
Source: page on what a healthy relationship looks like, National Domestic Violence Hotline.
A card can show you the thought in writing. It can't ask what you meant by the sentence you haven't said, or stay with you while you work out the answer.
Stella is your emotional wellness AI. You can say the unsaid part to her first, by voice or text, and look at it from another side before anyone else hears it. She doesn't take a side on your marriage, and she isn't a lawyer or a counselor.
No single sign settles it. It helps to look at a few things together: how long you've felt this way, what the two of you have already tried, what still holds you there and what you'd lose. This quiz asks those in your own words. It won't decide for you, and you'll see more clearly where you stand.
Yes. In a national survey of 3,000 married adults aged 25 to 50, one in four had thought about divorce in the previous six months, and a year later about three in ten of them no longer were. The thought is common, and it moves. Having it doesn't mean your marriage is ending or that you've decided anything.
No. A quiz hasn't lived in your marriage, and a result built from tick boxes would be a guess. This one gives no result at all. It asks seven questions and hands your answers back on a card, with what keeps you there and what makes you want to leave shown together.
Whenever your question is about how divorce works where you live, because the rules depend on your state and a quiz can't answer it. A family lawyer, or your state court's self-help service, is where that information comes from. You can ask before you've decided anything. This quiz stays with the earlier question of what you want.
Then safety comes first, before any question about the marriage. Being threatened, controlled or hurt by a spouse is not something to fix by trying harder, and it isn't your fault. Talk to someone you trust or a domestic violence support line where you live. If you're in immediate danger, call your local emergency number.
