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Ready-made texts

What to text a friend having a hard time

Keep it short, name what happened and ask nothing back.

What are they going through?
How close are you?

Less close means a coworker, neighbor or old friend.

Pick what they're going through and three texts show up here.

How it works

To comfort someone over text, say less than you think you need to. Name what happened in plain words, make it easy for them not to reply, and if you offer help, attach a day to it. Then text again a few days later, when everyone else has gone quiet. Each set of texts here does exactly that.

  1. Pick what they're going through

    Choose the situation that's closest, from a breakup to a hard anniversary. If you're not sure what's wrong, there's a set for that too.

  2. Choose how close you are

    Close friends get warmer texts and bigger offers. Less close keeps it short and light, for a coworker, a neighbor or an old friend.

  3. Copy a text and send it yourself

    Each text has its own Copy button. Change any word so it sounds like you, and send it from your own phone. Every text is a fixed example written for this page.

Texts for a friend having a hard time, by situation

Every situation has three texts, at two levels of closeness. The first needs no reply and asks nothing of them. The second is a real offer with a day or a task attached, so only send it if you mean it. The third is for a few days later, when the first wave of messages has dried up.

Texts written for this page.

What to text a friend going through a breakup

Whoever ended it, the first text is about your friend, not about the person they were with.

Needs no reply, Close
I heard about you two, and I'm so sorry. I'm thinking about you tonight. No need to reply.
Needs no reply, Less close
I'm sorry to hear about the breakup. Thinking of you. No need to reply.
A real offer, Close. Send only if it's true
I'm free Saturday afternoon if you'd like company. A walk, a movie or just sitting on my couch, whatever you feel like.
A real offer, Less close. Send only if it's true
If you'd like to get out of the house this week, I'm up for a coffee on Thursday.
A few days later, Close
Checking in again. Breakups often get quieter and harder after the first week, and I'm still thinking about you.
A few days later, Less close
Thinking of you this week. I hope today is a gentle one.
Skip this one
“You're better off without them.” Even when it's true, it can sound like you're judging the person they loved, or judging them for staying.

What to text a friend who lost their job

Losing a job knocks money, routine and pride all at once, so keep the text about them and not about the job market.

Needs no reply, Close
I just heard about the job and I'm really sorry. You didn't deserve that. No need to reply, I'm just thinking of you.
Needs no reply, Less close
Sorry to hear about the job news. Thinking of you. No need to reply.
A real offer, Close. Send only if it's true
Dinner's on me this week, at my place or I'll bring it to you. Pick a night and I'll take care of the rest.
A real offer, Less close. Send only if it's true
If a reference from me would help, I'm glad to write one. Just say so whenever you're ready.
A few days later, Close
How are the days feeling now? No pressure to talk about jobs. I'm happy to talk about anything else at all.
A few days later, Less close
Thinking of you this week. I hope it's been a kind one.
Skip this one
“Everything happens for a reason.” It asks them to find the upside of something they're still in shock about.

What to text a friend who got hard health news

Name it plainly, leave out medical opinions and don't ask for details they haven't offered.

Needs no reply, Close
I heard your news and I'm so sorry. I'm in your corner and thinking about you. No need to reply.
Needs no reply, Less close
I'm sorry to hear your news. Sending you good thoughts. No need to reply.
A real offer, Close. Send only if it's true
I can drive you to appointments on Tuesdays and Thursdays if that helps. I'm happy to sit in the waiting room with a book.
A real offer, Less close. Send only if it's true
If it would help, I can cover your Friday shift so you have one less thing to think about.
A few days later, Close
Thinking of you today. You don't have to give me an update. I just wanted you to know I'm still here.
A few days later, Less close
Just thinking of you this week. I hope today is a calmer one.
Skip this one
“My aunt had the same thing and she was fine.” Other people's stories, hopeful or not, hand them a weight they didn't ask for.

What to text a friend who is caring for someone

For a friend looking after a parent, partner or child who needs a lot of care, and who is often too tired to ask for anything.

Needs no reply, Close
I see how much you're holding together right now, and I'm proud of you. No need to reply.
Needs no reply, Less close
Thinking of you. Caring for someone is a lot, and I hope you get a quiet moment today. No need to reply.
A real offer, Close. Send only if it's true
I can take Sunday afternoon so you can get out for a few hours. I'm free from 2 to 5, or whenever works for you.
A real offer, Less close. Send only if it's true
I'm doing a grocery run on Thursday. If you send me a list, I'll leave it at your door.
A few days later, Close
Checking in on you, not on them this time. How are you holding up?
A few days later, Less close
Thinking of you this week. I hope you get a little time that's just yours.
Skip this one
“Make sure you take care of yourself.” It's kind, but it hands them one more job without making any of it easier.

What to text a friend with a new baby who is struggling

For a new parent who is exhausted or finding it harder than they expected, when most people only ask about the baby.

Needs no reply, Close
Thinking of you, not just the baby. The first weeks are so much, and you're allowed to find them hard. No need to reply.
Needs no reply, Less close
Thinking of you as you settle in. The early weeks are a lot. No need to reply.
A real offer, Close. Send only if it's true
I'm making a big pot of soup on Wednesday and half of it is yours. I'll leave it at the door so nobody has to get dressed.
A real offer, Less close. Send only if it's true
I'd love to drop off a meal this week. I'll leave it on the step and won't stay.
A few days later, Close
How are you doing, really? You don't have to say fine. I'm glad to hear the hard parts too.
A few days later, Less close
Thinking of you this week. I hope you've had a little sleep.
Skip this one
“Enjoy every minute, it goes so fast.” It can make someone who is struggling feel they're failing at something they should be loving.

What to say when someone is stressed about work

For a friend buried in a hard stretch at work, who needs company more than tips.

Needs no reply, Close
I know work is relentless right now. I'm thinking of you and I'm on your side. No need to reply.
Needs no reply, Less close
Sounds like a heavy week at work. I hope it eases up soon. No need to reply.
A real offer, Close. Send only if it's true
When this week is over, dinner's on me and we don't have to talk about work at all. I'll book somewhere near you.
A real offer, Less close. Send only if it's true
If it would help, I can take the Thursday report off your plate this week.
A few days later, Close
Did the big week end? Either way, I'm proud of how you're handling it, and I'm around this weekend if you want to switch off.
A few days later, Less close
I hope this week is lighter than the last one. Thinking of you.
Skip this one
“Have you tried setting boundaries?” Advice in the middle of it can sound like the stress is their fault.

What to say to someone who is sad

For a friend who seems down or flat lately, whether or not they've said why.

Needs no reply, Close
You've been on my mind today. You don't have to be okay or explain anything to me. No need to reply.
Needs no reply, Less close
You've been on my mind today. Sending a little warmth your way. No need to reply.
A real offer, Close. Send only if it's true
Want to come over on Friday and do nothing at all? I'll make tea and we can watch something terrible.
A real offer, Less close. Send only if it's true
If you'd like a walk one evening this week, I'd be glad to come along. Even twenty minutes.
A few days later, Close
Thinking about you again. However this week is going, I'm around this weekend.
A few days later, Less close
Just checking in. I hope today has one good part in it.
Skip this one
“Cheer up, it could be worse.” It tells them how to feel and suggests their feelings are too big.

What to text on a hard anniversary

For a day that's heavy for them, such as the date a marriage ended, a first holiday after a big change or the day something hard happened.

Needs no reply, Close
I know today is a hard day for you. I'm thinking of you all day. No need to reply.
Needs no reply, Less close
I know today might be a hard one. Thinking of you. No need to reply.
A real offer, Close. Send only if it's true
If you'd like company tonight, I've kept the evening free. We can talk about it or not talk about it at all.
A real offer, Less close. Send only if it's true
If you'd like to grab a coffee this week, I'd be glad to. No agenda.
A few days later, Close
Thinking of you this week. The days after a hard date can be strange too, and I'm still here.
A few days later, Less close
Just thinking of you this week. I hope it's been a gentle one.
Skip this one
“It's been a year, are you still sad about it?” Hard dates don't keep a timeline, and the question can make them feel they're doing it wrong.

What to say to someone going through a hard time

For when you can tell something's wrong but not what, or they haven't told you much.

Needs no reply, Close
I don't know exactly what's going on, but I can tell things are hard. I'm thinking of you. No need to reply.
Needs no reply, Less close
I've been thinking of you. I hope you're doing okay. No need to reply.
A real offer, Close. Send only if it's true
I'd love to see you this week. I can come to you on Wednesday evening with food, and you don't have to explain a thing.
A real offer, Less close. Send only if it's true
If you'd like company for a coffee or a walk this week, I'm free on Thursday.
A few days later, Close
Still thinking of you. Whenever you want to talk, or not talk, I'm around.
A few days later, Less close
Just thinking of you. I hope this week is kind to you.
Skip this one
“What's wrong? You can tell me anything.” A direct question can feel like pressure to explain before they're ready.

What not to text, and what to send instead

Most texts that land badly were sent with love, by someone trying to fix it. These five slip out all the time.

“Hope you feel better soon.”
On health news or a long hard stretch it can read like a deadline. Try “Thinking of you today. No need to reply.”
“You should try…”
Advice in the first text feels like homework, however good it is. Save it unless they ask, and send company instead.
“Call me if you want to talk.”
It puts the next move on them. Try “I'll call on Sunday. Don't worry if you don't pick up.”
“Why didn't you tell me?”
It turns their news into your hurt. Try “I'm glad I know now, and I'm here.”
A long story about the time it happened to you
It moves the spotlight to you, even if you meant it as solidarity. Keep the first text about them, and share your story later if they ask.

When talking it through helps

A text gets the first words to them. It won't tell you what to say when they write back, or what to do with the worry you carry while they go through it.

Your side of it is a conversation, not a text. Stella is your emotional wellness AI: you can tell her what's going on with your friend and how you're doing with it, and work out what comes next. What you send is still up to you.

Questions about comforting someone over text

How do I comfort someone over text without saying the wrong thing?

Most wrong things come from trying to fix it. Leave out advice and silver linings like “at least”, name what happened plainly and end with “No need to reply”. If you want to help, offer one thing with a day attached, like dinner on Thursday, rather than “let me know if you need anything”.

Should I expect them to reply?

No, and try not to read anything into the silence. Someone having a hard time may not have the energy to answer, and a message that needs a reply can feel like one more task. That's why one of the three texts says so outright. Quiet after a kind message usually means they read it.

How do I cheer someone up over text?

Don't try to fix the mood in the first text. Someone having a hard time usually wants company more than a pep talk, so start with something like “Thinking of you. No need to reply.” Once they're talking, a shared joke, a funny memory or a plan for something you both like can lighten things a little.

What if I'm not that close to them?

Choose “Less close” and the texts get shorter and lighter, with offers small enough for a coworker or an old friend to make. A brief, warm line is still worth sending. People often remember who reached out, even when they didn't answer at the time.

What if my friend says they don't want to be here?

This one's bigger than a text. If your friend has said they don't want to be here, take it seriously and stay with them if you can. In the US you can call or text 988 any time, for yourself or with them. If someone is in immediate danger, call 911.

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