From Stella, your emotional wellness AI
Seven questions about how it feels with your partner. No score.
If you're afraid of your partner, a quiz isn't the place to start. In the US you can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 or text START to 88788, any time.
Question 1 of 7 A few minutes, in your own words
Your answers come back here as a card. No score, no label.
The Is my relationship healthy quiz asks seven questions about how it feels with your partner: on the way to see them, on a bad day, when you disagree and after an argument. It takes a few minutes and gives no score or label. A healthy relationship is one where you can disagree without fear and still feel like yourself, and the guide below spells that out so your answers have something to stand next to.
Tap a quick pick or put it in your own words. Each one is about how things are between you on most days, and any of them can be skipped.
One question asks whether it feels safe to say so when you disagree. It matters more than how often you argue, so answer it as it is, not as you'd like it to be.
Your answers come back as one card to copy or print, ending with the thing you wish you could say. It carries no score and no label.
These three cards are made up for this page, not taken from real couples. They show what the quiz gives back before you start.
Example written for this page
On the way to see them: Glad. Still, after seven years.
Telling them about a bad day: They're first.
Safe to disagree: Yes. We're both stubborn about it.
How arguments end: One of us makes tea and we try again.
What you hold back: Money worries. I do the bills and I don't say when it's tight.
Good right now: We laugh.
What you'd say to them: “I need help with the money stuff.”
Example written for this page
On the way to see them: Flat. Not bad, just flat.
Telling them about a bad day: I tell others. My sister, mostly.
Safe to disagree: Mostly. I pick my moments.
How arguments end: We don't argue. We go quiet.
What you hold back: How I feel.
Good right now: They show up. Every school run, every appointment.
What you'd say to them: “I miss us.”
Example written for this page
On the way to see them: It depends on how his last text sounded.
Telling them about a bad day: Sometimes.
Safe to disagree: Not really. I keep quiet so the evening stays nice.
How arguments end: Same fight again, about how much time we spend together.
Good right now: The small things. He saves me the last bite.
What you'd say to them: “I can't read your mind.”
You skipped what you hold back. A blank can say something too.
The quiz asks about ordinary moments instead of asking you to rate your relationship: the drive over, a bad day, a disagreement, the end of an argument, what goes unsaid and what's good. Here's why each question helps. They work with a pen and paper too.
Healthy doesn't mean easy, and it doesn't mean you never argue. Put plainly, a healthy relationship is one where both people feel safe, respected and able to be themselves. This is what that tends to look like day to day, so you have something to hold your own answers against.
Source: article on how couples keep a relationship healthy, American Psychological Association, 2020.
Happy is harder to pin down than healthy, because it moves with the week. Your card gives you something steadier to read: what you feel on the way to see them, whether you'd bring them a bad day, and what's good right now.
Read it for what repeats. If the same word turns up in three answers, start there. If the answer about what's good came quickly, that counts as much as the answer about what you hold back. And if the card looks better or worse than you expected, that gap between what you assumed and what you wrote is worth a second look.
The card won't tell you whether to be happy with what's on it. Two people can write the same seven answers and want different things from them.
An unhealthy stretch and an unsafe relationship are different things, and it helps to know which one you're describing. Unhealthy can look like the same argument on repeat, days of silence or not feeling heard. Plenty of couples go through that, and it can change when both people work at it.
Unsafe is about fear and control. If you're afraid of how your partner will react, if they decide who you see, what you spend or where you go, if they go through your phone, threaten you or have hurt you, that isn't a rough patch and it isn't your fault. A quiz is the wrong tool for it.
If any of that sounds familiar, the next step is a person and not a page: someone you trust, or a domestic violence support line where you live, where you can talk it through and decide for yourself what happens next. If you're in danger right now, call your local emergency number.
Source: page on what a healthy relationship looks like, National Domestic Violence Hotline.
Hold on to it first. Copy it into your notes or print it, and read it again on a calmer day to see whether you'd still write the same things.
You don't have to show your partner. If you'd like to, the last line is a good place to begin, because it's the sentence you already wish you could say. Choose a time when neither of you is worn out or mid-argument, and open with what's good before what's hard.
If your card left you with a bigger question, the pages below ask it the same way: your words back, and no ruling.
A card can show you what you wrote. It can't ask why the sentence in your last answer has gone unsaid, or what you think would happen if you said it.
Stella is your emotional wellness AI. Tell her what happened, by voice or text, and she helps you look at it from another side or find the words for the conversation when you're ready. She's there for your side of it, and she won't rule on your relationship.
A healthy relationship is one where you can be yourself, disagree without being afraid and find your way back after an argument. You both have a say, you both keep a life outside it, and a no is respected. It isn't the absence of arguments. This quiz asks about each of those in your own relationship.
No. A quiz can't see your relationship, and one that hands you a number only counts what it thought to ask. This one gives no score or label. It asks seven questions, reads your answers back as a card and puts a plain description of healthy beside them, so you can compare for yourself.
Yes. Nearly every couple disagrees, and never arguing isn't proof that things are fine. How you argue matters more than how often: whether you both get heard, whether it stays respectful and whether you come back together afterwards. Yelling, personal attacks and shutting down for days are the parts to look at.
That's how most relationships feel from the inside. A hard week doesn't cancel a good year, and a good weekend doesn't undo something that keeps hurting. Look at what repeats, the answer you'd give on most days and not only today. Taking the quiz again in a month and comparing the two cards can show more than one card does.
Then what you're facing is bigger than a quiz. Being afraid of your partner's reaction, or being controlled, threatened or hurt, is different from an unhealthy patch, and it isn't your fault. Tell someone you trust, or contact a domestic violence support line where you live. If you're in danger right now, call your local emergency number.
